You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
