I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
