Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
