He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
