I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
