I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
