Already got asked if we're dating
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
