just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
