I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
