if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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