Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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