I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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