If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize