yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
