Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
