Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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