I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
