True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
