if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
