So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize