um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
