when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
