my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
