You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
