Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
