i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
