I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I am puke
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
