Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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