Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
All the doctor said was why
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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