everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
