I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
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I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
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All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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