You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
