I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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