Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It's never too late to be topless.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
