Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
