Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i think i scared a bird with my dick
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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