so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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