like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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