pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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