Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
