got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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