Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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