tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Randomize
