If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
