Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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