Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The best revenge is premature balding
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
