I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
