..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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