shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
