I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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