Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
