last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
