Pappa wants mamma naked
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
