just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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