at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Randomize
