ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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