the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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